The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships, what we’ve learned from them, what we’ve carried, and what we want to leave behind. As we talked, I found myself reflecting on how so many of my past relationships were built on a foundation of lust.
At the time, I didn’t question it. I let a lot of that behavior slide because I loved my partners unconditionally and wanted to see the best in them. But looking back, I realize how often I equated desire with connection, passion with intimacy, and how much of that dynamic was deeply rooted in trauma.
Lust can feel like a balm for the wounds we carry. When you’ve experienced rejection, abandonment, or loneliness, especially as a queer person, it’s easy to latch onto the immediacy of physical attraction. It offers a kind of validation: you’re wanted, you’re seen, you’re enough. But lust is not intimacy. It’s fleeting, surface-level, and often blinds us to the deeper work required to truly know someone… read more >
